Monday 18 February 2008

I don't do Mondays either!



I now only work three days a week in Brisbane, at least until the house is built in Brisbane. With my Monday so far I've gone shopping (we have dinner guests tonight), played a game of tennis with the Melbourne-based daughter of one of the apartment dwellers here, put a load of washing on, and generally relaxed. This afternoon before dinner I'll go for a swim with Rene, in readiness for an evening of chatting, drinking and eating. What a life!

In my emails today I received this little story about English, and how confusing it must be to learn. I've read many of these, but it's not a bad idea to reflect on occasions regarding the sheer hard work that's required to finally master colloquial English, complete with all its nuances.

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
Neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England.
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,
We find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
Grocers don't groce and ha mmers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,
What do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
Should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
While a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
In which your house can burn up as it burns down,
In which you fill in a form by filling it out,
And in which an alarm goes off by going on.

And, in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop?


Last night with visiting friends we ventured yet again to our favourite Thai place in Mooloolaba. It was yet again delicious and inexpensive. The only coffee place left open after 9pm was Starbucks, so it received our custom. Three other coffee places immediately around us were already closed. The Coast really changes character after the peak holiday season is over. Daytimes are still busy, but after 5pm on a Sunday most day trippers or weekenders are heading back home, then we get the whole place to ourselves - it's rather nice.

Yesterday I ventured to the beach (actually, I had to buy wine) and when I surveyed the beach from the top of a dune it didn't look very inviting at all. Strong on shore winds encouraged large waves, the little bit of beach was strewn with what looked like millions of bits of kelp - all in all good reason for going back earlier than I had planned and buying the wine to take home for our visitors. Still, the pool here is a wonderful temperature, very inviting and pleasant.

Rene got a call from the builder after lunch. They'll get back to the foundations this week. He has a team of carpenters waiting to get on with the frame. I sincerely hope it stays fine enough to get this work really underway.

Finally, the maiden voyage of The Queen Victoria, Cunard's latest cruise ship, brings her here next Tuesday (26th). I'm going to get up extra early to see if I can see her sailing towards Brisbane. They pick up a pilot just off shore from us here. At 90 000 tonnes she'll be an impressive sight I'm sure. The ships come in quite close to the coastline here on the Sunshine Coast. Ships, cars, aeroplanes - I love 'em all. For details about the QV check out this site http://www.beyondships.com/QV.html

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